the runaround

As if I could get MORE Back!

2010-10-06T18:31:00.000-07:00

Not only does my main source of exercise these days entail climbing our 8 flights of stairs, but also, Wellington is hilly as (if this phrase confuses you, please see prior post on unfinished comparisons).
Like, rimmed by hills, the likes of which would make even Gollum cringe in fear.
The kind that would leave Frodo and Sam gasping for air.
It's actually impossible to walk 8 blocks in any direction from our apartment and not be climbing hills steep enough to require stairs.

Did you not get the memo, Wellington? I have enough junk in my boot, thank you so much.

The veiws are incredible- you'll just have to take my word for it until I manage to get photos. Next week, when my little children's show closes and I spend all day wandering about, frantically looking for a job.

Those of you who want to come visit, do some training first. No joke, the elevation climbs are sick. Plus, they are all in meters, so they seem farther.

BATS: 99 seat theater in Wellington

2010-10-02T22:33:00.001-07:00

Turns out there's just one 99 seat, experimental, do-it-yourself theater in Wellington, and I live 300 meters from it. And my co-worker ALSO works the bar there. So, I've been there lots.

Saw 3 shows, none of them outstanding enough to do a full review on any of them, so I'll just sum up:

Walls. Doors. And Also Silence. - the 20 year old version of You, Me, and Everyone We Know, with more institutionalization and less romance.
Cool use of set pieces- these door frames with stretchy translucent material. They got titled and used as a bathtub.

Father Famila- well-written work about a daughter and her dad with dementia/ Alzheimer's. Respects the intelligence of the audience (leaves details like subtle fragrances to follow, lives in New Zealand without being ALL ABOUT how its set in New Zealand, explores big scary universal themes in a specific, clear way). Grown-up theater that's not too stodgy.

Resolve- about hearing impaired young adults, written and performed by hearing impaired young adults. We all wear earplugs and hold on to inflated balloons, and there are few words of dialogue. Cool concept, poorly executed.
One of those shows I think could be so so so much better with a few tweaks. Oh Well.
Someday I'll run the world, and there will be no more crap theater.

Though I find seeing crap theater gives me time to reflect about how to do better theater. And time to plan my evening. And time nap.

Oh, not again.

2010-10-01T00:59:00.000-07:00

I once broiled brownies, thanks to a really hi-tech Ikea-type oven with nothing but symbols and numbers on the dials.
They were delicious, but didn't cut well to be served at the party I was hoping to take them to.
So, I wasn't allowed to bake for a while. In fact, I'm still a little scared every single time I turn on a kitchen implement. I'm ready for the future, where I talk to my appliances and they bring me food.

So OF COURSE our place has an oven that is even MORE confusing than a rocketship, and the manual is of little help, and the temperatures are in Celcius, and I'm terrified of it. Luckily we didn't have a pan or cookie sheet or any implement that I could put in said oven.

But then someone left a totally un-touched but opened beer in my place, and after a day of not drinking it, I decided I'd brave the oven. Like Hansel and Gretel.
So I bought gingerbread cake mix, and a pan, and some eggs and cinnamon, and made ginger beer cake so moist, so spicy, it warmed all the cockles of the hearts of those who ate it.

The moral of this story is: not ALL ovens are scary.
Also, beer makes any food better. Luckily I had enough left over to make kale/ bacon/ beer saute, all Louisiana Style.

I'll show you, ovens of the future. Where's my jetpack?

smarmy old liars

2010-09-25T21:59:00.000-07:00

I've seen several plays in Wellington during the past 3 weeks, and I thought I'd take some time to talk about them, and about theater in this city as I've seen it so far.
Last week I saw "Shipwrecked!" by Donald Margulies at the Circa Theater, which is a bit like the Geffen Playhouse in LA. Kind of stuffy, old school, celebrity-filled programming for everyone. They are doing a more risque show (that I'll see next week) but the show that's packing the houses is "Shipwrecked!"
It actually played at the Geffen last year.
Overall, the acting and production aesthetic was very impressive- The narrator was stellar, vibrant, lithe, charming, and the two supporting actors who play multiple roles (and multiple instruments) were dynamic. Their speedy character shifts were beyond virtuosic. But I felt that we didn't have enough depth into any one relationship within the exciting life of our hero. No matter how playful and surprising all the little vignettes were, the pace of the show got exhausting.

Even an hour in, the writing got flat, and for me the singular, biased voice of our narrator was so seamless and convincing, without any dissension for so much of the play, that when his tale is thrown into doubt, we are blindsided as an audience.

So: great performances, cool design, sadly emotionally flat. AND it's creepy to watch men in their 60's make out with women in their late 20's. No way around it.

Oddly, the first Google entry for Shipwrecked the play is a review of the NY premier, which starred Donnetta Grays, one of my former FAVORITE UC Irvine grad actors. Tiny little world.

Cheap As

2010-09-23T00:40:00.000-07:00

This blog is not meant to be ENTIRELY a comparison between life in the States and life in New Zealand. However, my brain and hands are fried from tech/ build/ dress rehearsals, so now might be an appropriate as comparison time.

Somethings cost far less here, other things not.

On Par or More Expensive:
cosmetics
medicine
organizational storage items
athletic gear
the movies
books
theater

Cheap As:
sandwiches
coffee
kitchen things

In case you haven't been near a Kiwi person, it's OK to add "as" to any descriptive term.
Such as Sweet As, Cheap As, Yummy As, Angry As, Tired As, Emo As . . .

You don't actually need to finish the simile, or to even compare one thing to another in any way. New Zealand is where the English language comes to get mangled by shepherds and hipsters.

It's creative as.

NOT a review of Inception

2010-09-20T03:58:00.000-07:00

One of the things I love most about being in another country is being around people from another country than either my present country or my country of origin (If you hook up with such a person, its called a tri-fecta). The layers of possible political, cultural, emotional discourse are frequently breath-taking.

Last night, I finally saw Inception with Brian. We sat in the Wellington's version of The Arclight, a posh theater called The Embassy, where all of Peter Jackson's premieres take place. Swanky lobby bar, delicate Art Deco interior, massive, plush assigned seating. So, on a slow Sunday afternoon, we sat next to a middle-aged non-Caucasian man.
And I could not help but notice that he kept gauging our reactions to the film.
I thought it must be because we were noticeably American. I expect people can tell my brazen American-ness straight away. But as we filed out of the theater, he said "Woah, I'm not sure I got all of that." "Ha, me neither! A bit over-complicated, quite a few holes," I replied (may or may not reflect author's opinion). Brian, who had already seen it once, admitted that he had to look about on the internet to answer some of the questions he had about the plot. And so the three of us continued our conversation as they shut down the theater and kicked us onto the street, where we chatted in the cold wind.

Turns out, our companion was on a bit of a world tour, possibly starting in India, going through Japan, China, Malaysia, Thailand, New Zealand. He was headed to South America next. We didn't get his whole story (do we ever?) but he thought we were from New Zealand (We DO look New Zealous), and he wanted to talk about plot twists, science fiction, and translation. His English was pretty perfect, but some concepts that are tricky: dreams, subconscious, existentialism. Limbo. A Soul. Concepts whose very existence is intangible, therefore untranslatable.

Take a movie like Inception, or The Matrix, or Eternal Sunshine on the Spotless Mind.
In a foreign language. I cannot imagine the mental hoops through which this poor man had to leap. Though, given the choice, I'd take Eternal Sunshine, enjoy the love story, and keep some grasp on plot and logic (may or may not reflect author's opinion).

Wear shoes, people.

2010-09-16T21:43:00.000-07:00

What is it with people in Wellington (mainly men), of all ages, not wearing shoes?
Just, around, on the sidewalk, on a run, coming from work, on their way to the gym.
It's honestly not a community of Hobbits, scampering along the gently rolling fern-dappled hills.
There are sidewalks, and concrete, and bricks and broken glass and vomit stains - it's a fucking city. Come The Fuck On!

And don't compromise by wearing those creepy ninja amphibian sock/ shoes with separated toes (I'm not just talking to Wellington here. You know who you are. And how your fashion blunders disgust me.)
You are not wearing a unitard. You are not one of the X-Men. You are not going to spontaneously climb that building. You work at Ogilvy and you walk 2 blocks for your latte. Be a man.

You want to be comfortable? Tough. Women walk in heels all day.
We don't live on tatami mats and within pine forests. REAL ninjas don't need to show everyone that they are ninjas.

Either back-flip off that telephone pole and earn your ugly shoes, or grow up.

And now, the weather report

2010-09-14T23:16:00.000-07:00

It's the edge of spring here, the tail end of winter (I hope) and while the temperature has veered into hail, it hasn't risen above 18 degrees (Celcius. About 60 for you Farenheiters).
BUT today it was sunny and gorgeous, so I went on my first run beyond the city center, and now I need a camera. So, if anyone can think of a decent SLR for beginners, please share. Come on, all you avid blog followers. Help a girl out.
Because you have to see how amazing this city looks.
I was along a path where they filmed some of Hobbit land. The late afternoon sun was shimmering through the thick pine and eucalyptus trees and it wasn't too muddy along the trails, which rambled over windswept grassy meadows, past quaint playgrounds, through Victorian neighborhoods.
Wellington has these San Franciscan sudden stunning vistas, and the city is ringed by lush, hilly parks and dark, windswept bays.

Someone get me a camera.

Maybe we should live in a hotel

2010-09-13T00:45:00.000-07:00

Brian got us an awesome apartment, sure, but the hotels here, even the average ones, are kitted out better than our place.
Like, you CANNOT get a hotel without a hob (stove), fridge, set of plates/ cups/ flatware for 4, cheese grater, can opener, french press. FRENCH PRESS?!?!

I mean, we have a kick ass apartment, right in the CBD (Central Business District), on the waterfront, across the street from the weekly farmers market, and the multiplex cinema, within 3 blocks of my work, Brian's work, all the major theaters, the national cultural museum, and a breadshop that smells like heaven. I'm not complaining.

Except "fully furnished" means I have to buy my own cutting board? And we have nothing to put our clothes in?

So, maybe we move into a hotel, like a couple of cantankerous bachelors in a Neil Simon play.

Or, I suck it up and buy a french press.

Or, I steal one from a hotel the next time we travel to Auckland for the weekend.

Shit gets done.

2010-09-08T21:07:00.000-07:00

Made the massive to-do list my bitch this week.
That's right, been here one week.
Seen 2 shows, taken loads of dance classes, bought a can opener, joined the library, hooked up phone, got a job, drank some beer, explored the coffee shops-
Oh, that's right, I got a job.

I auditioned for this little children's show of Thumbelina, performed in local schools.
Among other things, I play a snooty, publicity-loving French Fairy Queen.
So, paid theater work right away, not a bad deal, huh?

One more accomplishment on the list: brag about new job.

Done.

Wellington is full of Excitement

2010-09-08T03:51:00.000-07:00

The kind the causes alarms, and evacuations. LA, you got nothing.
Tonight, I saw a really cool show about truth, justice, and fear, called The December Brother, by this amazing collective, SEEyD, at one of the 5 or 6 (or more) theaters in my new neighborhood. (http://www.downstage.co.nz/index.php?page=shows&id=125)

But first: One can judge much about a culture by its safety announcements. We filed into our seats and the lights dimmed and we all saw a pretty stunning 5 minute movement piece about a young man driving a car (he turned into 3 bunraku puppet pieces) and crashing and it was pretty incredible stuff, and it turned out to be a safety announcement warning New Zealanders to sleep before they drive. I thought it was part of the show, since I knew the show was a movement piece about a crime (this is important). But then the lights came up, and then to REAL show started.
It was incredible. Probably worth its own blog entry.

And just at the end of the play, as the lights dimmed on the main character, a little blue light started to flash. Hmm, what's that light cue supposed to mean? a warning? a beacon? a siren? Wait, is that a siren? Is this another safety announcement?
And then the house lights came on, the ushers, now wearing safety vests, came into the theater, the actors turned to us and said "that's pretty much the end of the play. I think there's a fire."
And we were ushered out of the building, in the surreal coitus interruptus of this very disturbing play.
I hope the stage manager decides to do this every night. It was amazing, blurry, and dizzying. Like any good theater event should be.

Roller Derby

2010-09-06T16:58:00.001-07:00

This blog might end up as a detailed list of why I love Brian. Deal with it.

The other night we went to the Wellington Roller Derby Bout (http://www.richtercity.co.nz). Now, I've been to a few LA Derby Dolls bouts, and I think it's awesome. Badass, uncompromising women in tight clothes and crash pads shoving each other around at top speed? Inked, Drunk Hipsters jostling and cheering? What's not to love?

Wellington's a bit more tame, from the family friendly crowd (lots of school-kids in tutus) to the laid-back Emcees, it lacked the edge of the Derby Dolls (http://derbydolls.com/la). And it was on a flat track, so it's all a little slower and more cautious.

Still, much like pizza and sex, even average Roller Derby is still Roller Derby.
Best irony of the night? It's called Richter City Roller Derby. Not by accident.

Quakes!!!

2010-09-04T13:48:00.000-07:00

4am Wellington Time: our apartment building wakes my jet-lagged ass up by pretending to be California. The epicenter of the earthquake was about 200 miles south of us (about 300 KM for you keeping score), and it was HUGE!!!! like, 7.1.
I'm just going to admit that I have only ever been in very mild earthquakes and so I find them fun and almost relaxing. Like a gentle roller-coaster. Like the lazy river ride in Wild Rivers.
So, one more reason I am incredibly lucky to live in well-developed nations where seismic retrofitting and disaster-preparedness education are big cultural mandates.

First Friday

2010-09-02T21:15:00.000-07:00

Wellington New Zealand is like the bay-side 2/3ds of San Fransicso- hilly, artsy, windy, high-tech, full of sushi/ coffee/ malaysian/ middle eastern/ burger places (food is going to have to be its own entry). Brian was quick to point out that it's the land of women in dark tights and boots. Home to 180,000 people, a stunning waterfront dotted with skateparks, sailboats, museums, and cyclists. We have the best apartment ever. I have too many blessings to count them all.

bike ride to dance class

2010-05-24T14:54:00.000-07:00

Rode my bike up venice to la Brea and wilshire, about 30 minutes, a nice flat ride, didn't get nearly killed tooooo many times. beautiful day for a bike ride.

super short early run

2010-05-23T20:32:00.000-07:00

barely 3 miles, with some fun caporia/ kickboxing/ jumping/ pullups in the middle at Palms park.
Low Low energy day, had just 35 minutes, ran 3 miles, but Brian Setzer is a good way to start, followed by Harlem live by Bill Withers, Middle of Nowhere and Lose Yourself by eminem.
proud I got out of bed at all. made brunch worth it.

Running, 5pm May

2010-05-21T22:52:00.000-07:00

Ran along the motor/ golf course/ pico/ through the park. 5.2 miles in 45 minutes or so.
with my ipod. replayed "Where is the Love" by BEP and "Everything is Everything" by Lauren Hill several times. slow start, long hilly sprinting finish. Hadn't eaten much for lunch, a little tired.
Nice to run on a common circular route, I ran into the same young guy running and late-50's Indian man walking twice.
BEST PART: watching two grown men in golf clothes yelling at a tree. Then I saw they were yelling at a squirrel. It was carrying a piece of paper in it's mouth and was scampering up the tree. I don;t know what the squirrel stole, but those men were PISSED.
way to go, squirrel.

Getting Rocked

2006-09-27T14:00:00.000-07:00

Part of the reason we went on such a long trip (it's over now, sadly) is that we wanted to stretch it so we'd be somewhere cool for our 2nd wedding anniversary (no, this is not a lame attempt at getting cards or gifts). And boy, were we ever somewhere cool for our anniversary: London. Not just London, but the West End, in the Dress Circle of the Dominian Theatre, along with a housefull of glowstick-waving Brits.
Is there a better way to say "I Love You" than through the music of Queen? I didn't think so.
When God first invented the musical, he linked popular songs together with a loose and silly narrative in the form of the musical revue. Then came The Story Musical, where composers worked with scriptwriters to create music that moved the narrative along. It was a revolution. Luckily, the revolution is over. Luckily, people who grew up listening to ABBA and The Beach Boys can listen to their favorite songs again, with live dancing and millions of dollars of costume and set pieces. The counter revolution is here.
And it was only a matter of time before someone made a musical out of Queen's greatest hits.

Nuns in the castle

2006-09-19T12:09:00.000-07:00

Today I saw a nun, and thought I should scowl at her and see what she does. But I smiled at her, and she smiled back, and I felt irrationally blessed. Had I scowled, she probably would have still smiled and I would have felt rationally chastised. And shamed.

Did I mention we are staying in a castle? Along the royal road?
We can wave our hankies at the king as he passes by.
Which he does, all the time, back and forth with nothing better to do, the schmuck.

scooters and cars

2006-09-18T04:21:00.000-07:00

Look around and estimate the ratio of scooters/motorcycles to cars wherever you live. I'm in LA, so it's about 1:3000, maybe even more. If you happen to find yourself someplace where this is close to 1:1, it may be a place you'd like to stay and hang out for quite a long time. Bol, Croatia is like this.

Village News

2006-09-09T03:38:00.000-07:00

Single Moldovan Male seeks wife, must be at least 14 years of age, fully knowing care for cows, horse, sheeps, chickens, children. hearty birthing hips required.
I am strong watch me drink this vodka and arm wrestle this man. I will begin work on outhouse at your reply.

Single Moldovan Female, indeterminate age seeks man with a car. I can make placinta and delicious borscht like a mother. speaks Romanian and Russian. no time have I worked in human traffic. Please drive your car fast to me on the dirt road here, it will be mud in a day so come fast.

Young Moldovan man full of promise with several good passports into jobs in other countries. Hire me for my skills in English and Russian, and I know computers. Also construction. I have managed farm as well with lower workers controlling chickens and the watermelons. Also wine making skills. Ready to relocate when you say.

Moldovan family needs american speaking renter, we have a room for you to sleep so we can sleep in the kitchen where we will be warm. We have daughter good for marrying who can be translating while we watch tv. You like this song because it is so loud, yes? We have kittens and puppies for you to . . . okay, only puppies, who ate the kittens just now, very cute hungry puppies who will grow strong. Our happy home, you can come. Please bring your own toilet paper.

Hidden Moldova

2006-09-08T09:05:00.000-07:00

Yes, we had to look it up on a map when Evan, Anne's brother, told us he was heading to Moldova to spend 2 years in the Peace Corps. Now we know where Cuhuresti de Sus is, which is something that most Moldovans don't even know. When we applied for our visas in Bucharest, the embassy workers took us to a large map of the country so we could show them where it was that Evan taught English. Once we passed the geography test, the rest of the visa process was just paying the fee and joking about us arranging for California's most famous governor come to Moldova for a quick visit.

I imagine that Cuhuresti de Sus is like a lot of other small Moldovan villages. The infrastucture is stranded somewhere between the first and thirld world. Electricity is mostly there, but there are power outages. There's a disco for the kids at night with a bar across the street that serves drinks. There's a school and several other stores that sell some basic items. Every Friday, there's an open air market that sells clothing and a wider variety of food items, like vegetables, fruit and chickens. No running water unless you hook up a pump to your well. A lot of dirt roads that turn to mudpits in the rain. If you want a bath, you need to heat the water. Of course, everyone has an outhouse.

It's a small farming community where everyone grows or raises a significant portion of their food supply. The host family that Evan lives with and with whom we stayed has pigs, rabbits, chickens, ducks, turkeys and a large garden. Rabbit ribs are tasty but don't have much meat on them. The cucumbers and tomatoes are very fresh now, but in the back of my mind I know that the USSR expoited the growing conditions in Moldova and most of the soil is or needs to be loaded with fertilizers and pesticides to make stuff grow well - one of the main barriers that the country is facing when trying to export its agricultural products to western Europe. Evan has at least three items that the Peace Corps has told him to avoid entirely - wild mushrooms, water and fish. I'm guessing now, but I think the reasons are different for each item. Wild mushrooms because you need an experienced person to make sure they're safe to eat. Water because there is so much livestock that everyone's favorite bacterium, giardia, is an ever-present threat. Fish because they're radioactive AND poisonous. The fish come out of rivers loaded with the same agricultural waste as the soil and we're not too far from Chernobyl. Happy eating.

escalators

2006-08-31T02:11:00.000-07:00

In Japan, the land of orderly efficiency and politeness, there is a universally observed etiquette for using escalators. If you get on and intend to stand, you stand on the right side, if you are going to continue walking, you walk up/down on the left. If you see someone standing on the left, they are a foreigner. The fast Japanese people will start to back up behind the standing person, because they are too polite to tell him to move over.

In Prague, it works exactly the same way, which is great because the escalators to the subway are giants that get you up or down 4-5 flights in one long shot. Once you get further east in Europe, this breaks down. Budapest and Bucharest have the same deep subways with monster-long escalators, but everyone just stands there, even when you hear a train arriving at the bottom. In NYC or SF, once the sound of the train is heard, everyone picks up the pace to try and make it. Not so in Bucharest. You are about 2/3 of the way down, hear the train, and everyone will just stand there. Oh well. In some subways, they even have painted helpful feet, two feet side-by-side on the right side of the step to signify "standing", left and right feet alternating on the left side for "walking", to encourage the Japan/Prague courtesy, but for some reason it doesn't work.

Prague planetary smack-down

2006-08-28T13:39:00.000-07:00

If you haven't been there, you should visit Prague. Even though all the places that you should see will be clogged with people just like you, i.e. tourists, it's still a wonderful city. Aesthetically and geographically, Prague is a hit. Castles, churches, cobblestone streets, the Vlatva river, museums-- and you can walk to all of it. An even better idea is to buy a transit pass so you can take the metro, trams and buses anywhere. This allows you to get out of the center of town and see areas without all of the tourists. Like giant Soviet-area housing blocks with nice greenways running through them, or wide boulevards with shops and apartments mixed in with the old cemetaries and churches. Also, astronomers like to gather here periodically to vote on who gets to be a planet. Last week, while I was just a few km from the big convention of sky-watchers, they decided that Pluto no longer has what it takes. Take that Pluto, you and your weak gravitational force. I took the subway out to the convention on Friday just to witness the carnage, but I was a little too late, the convention's closing ceremony was Thursday night and there was only the "historical astronomy" group still presenting, with some papers on things like "Mayan observations of the transit of Venus," so I didn't get to witness any fistfights. Maybe next time.

Stag Dos and Don'ts

2006-08-23T09:14:00.001-07:00

Among the stodgy old tour groups of stodgy old people in Prague, you will find large groups of British or German men in their twenties and thirties who are in town for a Bachelor Party, quaintly known in Europe as a "Stag Do." These bands of men will be easy to find as they are often belting drinking songs along the streets, each of them carrying 2 beers, (Why is the US so slow on public drinking laws? Figure it out, Bush.)and all wearing matching shirts. Scottish Stag Doers can wear kilts with these shirts, but only they have the beards and the balls to pull this off. Some bachelors need an especially big blowout because the poor bastard is marrying someone really awful, so the whole party dresses up in costumes. For instance, they might all dress as French Maids. Or as Superheroes. And that is how our story begins.

In addition to lots of drunk bachelors, Prague has lots of puppets and opera and puppets performing opera. In fact, Mozart's Don Giovanni premiered here a long time ago. So to hit two cultural birds with one American stone, we went to see a puppet version of Don Giovanni. We being me, Brian, Evan my brother, Nelson one of Evan's friends from UCI who we randomly met on the street (see Evan's blog for this story), and Burke, Nelson's friend. Earlier that day we were walking around Prague and I saw this group of 8 men dressed as Superheroes and I thought "Wow, they look silly, I wonder what they're doing." As we walked, we got some food and toured and decided to see the Puppet Don Giovanni. We get to where we saw the show advertised at 7:50pm for an 8pm show. But the show is not here, this is just a ticket outlet. So we buy tickets and take off running to the theatre. And running, we pass the group of Superheroes again. Evan runs by first, then Brian, and by this point the Superheroes must be thinking "Wow, they look silly, I wonder what they're doing." Then Nelson runs by, then Burke and by that point the drunken Superheroes are starting to laugh and a few take off running with us. So Evan, Brian, Nelson, The Flash, The Green Hornet, Batman and me are all running through the streets of Prague. The crowded cobblestone streets of Prague. And does the girl running in the skirt and sandals fall? Or does Batman eat it right in the middle of the street? Batman totally eats it. Silly costumes goeth before a fall.

Moral of the story, the show was awful. Marionettes doing opera are ridiculous.

Consonants and Communists

2006-08-23T09:14:00.000-07:00

Prague has lots of both.
Japanese is impossible to read, but at least it is easy to pronounce. In Czech, they save up their vowels for the winter, as part of a government mandated Alphabetical and Cultural ReConservation Program. Of course, thanks to the Velvet Revolution (Fought by the snappiest soldiers since the Cashmere Sweater War) this program is no longer technically a law. However, in true Eastern European style, the Czech people cling to their old ways like sausage clings to your arteries. So there are diphthongs that no one can actually pronounce, not even native speakers. Often you see an older person who lived through WW2 trying to start a story with "When I was your age," but the combination of old person phlegm and consonants causes them to fall into a hacking coughing fit. The Czech translation for "When I was your age" is "KZSIRRHGK plkkjmiuvn wwssxxgt." Brian and I have been trying to say "Thank you" properly, which is "Dkyu", but Czech people just shake their heads in hatred.
It is hard to know how to say it because people say "Thank You" so infrequently.
In fact, the word for "Yes" is a two syllable word, making it twice as difficult to say as the word for "No." "Yes" used to be easy to say, but the Communist government issued a strict Positivity and Optimism Difficulty Edict that included provisions to make Borscht the National Soup and to make it more difficult for people to say, write, or think the word "yes."
On the plus side, the Water Slide Manifesto did wonders for the chlorine-seeking tourist industry.

The Comparisons Begin

2006-08-21T13:20:00.000-07:00

Now that we are in Eastern Europe, it is time for a bit of refelction on how Japan is not Eastern Europe and visa versa.

Service. In Japan, service is a big deal. You rent a hotel room, they prepare hot tea for you. You walk into a bar, they give you free octupus balls and squid salad.
In Eastern Europe, the waiter will scowl at you, then another waiter will walk by and yell at you for being served by the other waiter, then they will tell you they are out of lettuce and bread, and your meat pizza will take 45 minutes and they will charge you per gram of salt you used. Just because it's on the table does not mean it's free.

Trains. In Japan the trains have a two minute window from when they pull into a station and when they leave. The whole country is set to the same time, dictated by the clocks in the train stations. Trains make the country run.
In Eastern Europe, the trains will probably leave on time, but some stops take longer than others, depending on who wants to smoke. Also, the Soviet Union, using every ounce of supreme brilliance, made their train tracks just and eensy bit larger than the tracks in the rest of europe so that any train coming in to Russia to attack by train (seriously? by train?) would have to stop and walk across the border. I am sure it worked great for 20 years or so, but now what happens is that passangers get to wait while they dismantle the train, elevate each car, and put new wheels on to fit the right tracks. At 4am. This takes about 2 hours. 2 cold dark early Russian hours. To think we were afraid of them for a while. Ugh.

Personal transport. People in Japan use bicycles everywhere, they all have 2 or 3 baskets and old tiny women and men in business suits and office ladies all use them and they zip around easily. Guess what? People in Eastern Europe have not dicovered the advanced technology of bicycles, so they just walk. But since they often have to walk carrying 30 pounds of potatoes from the market, they all carry identical plaid nylon bags. These things could blanket the city of Bucharest. They last forever, they are super cheap , come in all sizes, and some factory in Russia made 4 million of them and that state mandated that each household own at least 10. They can be used to carry clothes or a litter of puppies. And when you carry on of these bags, you walk slowly. Oh so very slowly.

Men. Japan is littered with men in business suits. They all carry official looking briefcases and wear neat ties with well-coiffed hair. They rush about in orderly lines on subways, through officle parks looking like they are full yemployed and have work to do. They are called "Salarymen" because they have jobs and earn regular salaries. Eastern Europe is littered with men in track suits and sweats, with thick bellies and tattos. They lumber around all carrying black duffel bags. Sometimes two men will carry a duffel bag together, each one holding a handel. Imagine a scary Russian mafia thug, with a severed head in a black gym bag. Now you know what Bucharest looks like. They seem to do little but stand around cars scratching their bellies or sit at cafe tables smoking. I have seen 3 men in suits in the past 3 weeks, and 2 of them worked at the US Embassy. Japanese men get drunk after work and sleep on the subway platforms, while Eastern European men get drunk after getting drunk and then get drunk on the subway platform.

Women everywhere however wear heels all the time. How do they run so fast and walk so far on those tiny heels? It is beyond me.

sunlight, excitement and jet lag

2006-08-19T03:13:00.000-07:00

We're now in Prague. The short way to go from Osaka to Prague involves flying west through one of the major Asian hubs and on to Europe, going approx 1/3 of the way around the world. What's much more fun for your sleep patterns is to go the other way, back through Los Angeles, London, then Prague.

My body has no idea what time it is. I didn't sleep for the 23 hours we were in LA, because there were many errands to run, along with repacking (switching stuff out of our very cozy storage unit), laundry and some computer stuff. Also, I just don't sleep well before going on long trips. If you expose yourself to a lot of sunlight, eat a lot of sugar and just generally feel like you have a lot of stuff to get done and not enough time to do it, you can sleep one hour out of 40. Then you crash.

We awoke in Kyoto on Wednesday morning, left Osaka Wednesday evening, arrived in LA Wed at noon thanks to the wonderful working of the international date line, left LA Thursday noon and arrived in London Friday morning. We spent all day at the airport, sleeping and eating and then flew to Prague on Friday night. Yessssss!

Flying through several different countries soon after a terrorist threat really gives you an idea of how well that country can organize itself. JapanÂ´s airport was well ordered, everyone easily led into neat lines by helpful and friendly JAL employees. We got through the 3 security checkpoints in 20 minutes or less. And there was definitely no liquid or gel onmyz person. LAX and Minneapolis were both sort of crazy, but London was nuts like an Almond Joy. There were all these lines feeding into the check-in line, and those lines somehow fed into several larger departure gate lines, which fed into the lines for the metal detectors and x-rays. And no one knew which line was which, or where any of these lines started. I actually heard some poor harried young airportsecurityy employee yelling "What the Hell are you doing!" to a line of people that was supposed to start somewhere else. These lines would separate for no reason then merge together again in the worst traffic flow pattern imaginable. An exhausting 2 hours later we were in the sterile departure area, and I couldn´t even brush my teeth or put on chapstick to comfort me. Thanks a lot terrorists.

But none of that matters now in our kickass apartment in Prague. Wake up at 8am to check out of a hotel by 10, perish the thought!

fishy

2006-08-15T15:38:00.000-07:00

I've got some eel blood on my shoe that seems impossible to wash off, but the visit to the Tsukiji fish market was worth the tenacious stain. If you ever happen to be in Tokyo, and especially if you just flew in from the US and find yourself jet-lagged and awake at some unreasonable hour like 4 am, you should get over to the fish market. Take the subway (some lines begin running at 4:30) and arrive by 5 am.

Then you get to see the auction for tuna. Don't think "tuna fish" like something that in the states would end up in a can, remember, the bluefin tuna started out as a 400 pound fish before it was processed and that is what you get here. A large room, with big frozen tuna lined up on the floor with not much room left to stand. Then all of the wholesalers gather in a group with the auctioneer and they start buying. As each tuna is sold, it is marked with some type of buyer's i.d. and they move on until the entire room has been sold off to wholesalers. This takes about an hour and a half to sell off several hundred fish, and I think they sell for around US$10,000 each, depending on quality and size (quality is determined by a small cutout made near the tailfin, which each buyer lifts up and runs his fingers across).

Then this amazing distribution begins. They have thousands of these small, motorized carts zipping everywhere. In fact, the main danger for tourists is being run over by one of these things.

image of motor cart thing

So these dart into the big tuna auctionroom, and 3 guys with scary looking gaffs hook into a 400-lb tuna and toss it onto the back of the cart. They can stack up maybe 5 tuna before things get to slippery to deal with. That cart zips away and another zips in for its bunch. By 8 am the room is cleaned up and you can walk around and see tuna being cut with bandsaws. By 9 am, some of the retailers have beautiful cuts of sashimi in their stands, ready to eat. If you want great sushi for breakfast, this is the place to go.

All types of seafood are handled at the market, and there is an entire fleet of refrigerated delivery trucks parked within inches of each other (they fold the side mirrors in to get them even closer) lined up ready to zip the fish to every restaurant and market in the Tokyo area, most likely to be eaten that evening. Just one more way I'm amazed at how they've made something essential to their daily life extremely efficient.

Thirsty?

2006-08-14T06:05:00.000-07:00

Here are some of the great things about Japan:
1. In Japan, there are vending machines everywhere. We are staying on this tiny island in a tiny fishing village of about 50 people. There's a post office, an unused elementray school, some boats, and 5 vending machines. Most sell soda and juice and an amazing drink called Pocari Sweat. It tastes amazing, like Vitamin Water, and is perfect when you find yourself drenched in Person Sweat, which is all the time. You walk along, parched, feeling sodium and potassium and all vitality sucked out of you, and up ahead there's a vending machine glowing in the distance, a bright prism promising you cool refreshment, and in any other country you'd think this oasis was a mirage, but in Japan it's a reality. But these machines don't just sell juice; you can get french fries and oyster balls, ice cream and sandwiches, cigarettes and . . . beer! Beer and whiskey vending machines are everywhere.
Because in Japan, public drinking is not just legal, it's encouraged.

2. In Japan, public drinking is not just legal, it's encouraged. People wander the streets carrying plastic cups full of beer all over the place. It's a bit watered down like keg beer, so you really feel like most cities are just large frat parties when the sun sets. People start drinking at 11am, to wash down breakfast, and often the party stops at 5am the next morning. It is common to see a few homeless people sleeping on the subway platforms next to business men using their briefcases as pillows since they got too drunk to make it to the subway in time to get home. Somehow allowing people to walk around and drink eliminates the need for people to drink and drive. Also, the fine for ANY blood alcohol is $10,000.00. A Half Million Yen. For ANY alcohol in your bloodstream. So everyone takes the subway or a taxi or walks or bikes. Drinking is a huge part of social life, especially at FESTIVALS.

3. FESTIVALS! These are all over all the time. We've been here 4 weeks and have seen 8 festivals. Every town has a festival at least once a month to celebrate something.
There's always fireworks to announce the start, then some sort of parade with floats or lanterns, and dancing and drumming and people in traditional dress. There are children who stare at white people and tiny old women who push through the crowd like sharks. There is often tons of smoke from torches and people smoking, and lines of helpful policemen in fancy vests and hardhats. Then there will be more fireworks and dancing, and more drumming, and booths with carnival games. You can throw darts at ballons or catch goldfish with rice paper nets. One place had a booth with hundreds of fluffy yellow chicks, but we couldn't tell if they were for playing with or for eating. And of course, food. Grilled whole squid, and grilled crab legs, and octopus balls (yum!), grilled corn (non-sarcastic yum!), fried noodles, fried chicken, and of course BEER! And of course people wander around drinking. All night.
And then people just crash at the tables and wake up at 5am when the sprinklers come on and go to work. And remember, at these festivals, refusing a drink will bring shame to your whole family. So Kanpai!

the little things

2006-08-10T05:11:00.000-07:00

Some of the small odd ways Japan is not other countries:

1.It's hot here in the summer, but no one swims. We have been by several bays, rivers, lakes, oceans, and no one uses these beautiful expanses of waterfront. Even the hotels have hot baths, not a single swimming pool. We went to only one resort with one swimming pool that was heated to a sweltering 80 degrees. It was in no way refreshing. As someone who spent most of her childhood in the sweltering south at the community pool, I am baffled at a nation who would rather sit in a hot bath than jump in a clear cool lake. I've gone swimming illigally 4 times here. Sure, those hot baths may make them live longer and have great skin, but at what cost?

2.Women all wear heels, all the time. Sometimes sensible pumps, but more often cute little high heeled sandals with flowers or sequins. And these women walk or ride bikes everywhere- either Japan is the mecca of comfortable and cute women's footwear, or women here have feet of iron. Running through the subway or hiking through the mountains, no woman is complete without little heels. Cute shoes are so mandatory that they have large rubber bands when you get on rollercoasters to strap around your shoes so they stay on your feet.

3. Maps here are all oriented to where you are standing when you look at them. Some of them tell you where North is in relation to this, some not so much.
You can stand at a subway station and get 4 different maps, all with different facings and no sense of scale. What happened to efficiency and standardization?

4. Fans and tissue paper as advertisements. Instead of postcards and fliers like on American street corners, people hand out paper fans and little packets of tissues for vodaphone or Mister Donut all over the place. These two items are very useful (see 1 and 5), and people keep them on hand all the time. This is because Japanese are fastidious about trash. They scoff at American recycling and instead divide waste into burnable, non-burnable, pet plastic, pura plastic, tin and metals, recycle paper, glass, and chocolate.

5. The Western toilet is new to Japan, just like high fructose corn syrup and SUVs. So they have not mastered toilet paper distribution, nor have they perfected toilet paper production they way they have perfected public transit and karaoke. So several places have no toilet paper, so keep that cute packet from Thank You Mart. Places that do have tp all have crappy single ply that comes off the roll in shreds. I'm not picky, but come on. You spend hours getting your kimono to hang just so and you can't even put quilted in your nice hotel rooms? Japan, you're like that roommate who keeps her desk immaculate but leaves the bathroom a mess.

6. Fruit is ri-cock-ulously expensive here, like some melons are $60.00. No, this is no typo. $60.00 or up to 1,000 yen. You can get a fancy pair of shoes (and you'll need them to fit in, see 2), or you can get a melon. Not a huge 40 pound gold-encrusted melon or a melon with a new laptop in the center or even a melon that will promise you great sex forever when you eat it. Just a normal melon, not quite Cantelope, not quite honeydew, somewhere in between. I normally eat 4 or 5 pieces of fruit a day. I love fruit. It's refreshing when it's hot and humid(see 1), and you'd think with so much farmland around, they'd have cheaper fruit.

Lords of the Ring

2006-08-07T08:01:00.000-07:00

We've all seen them, those behemouths in thongs, mountains of flesh with long hair that you could hardly call humans, let alone athletes. Well today, my friends, we stood in awe of these beasts, exploring the humid habitat of the majestic Sumo Wrestler.
In a regular high school gym in Hokkaido, the northern island of Japan, we watched a full day of fat men throwing each other to the ground, or picking each other up and lifting them out of the ring. One 400 pound man just gets his arms around another 400 pound man and lifts him like a cheerleader, like a bride over a threshold. They floated like a semi-truck and stang like a piano falling out of the sky. It was awesome.
First came the rookies, the Sumo Little Leaguers, who looked like high school kids fed 30 daily bowls of udon. Their matches were over pretty quickly: they step up to the platform and bow, they lift their legs up and show off to the audience, throw a bit of salt into the ring, and squat facing each other. Then like moose in mating season, they charge each other. A person between them could easliy get crushed. The rookie matches were over pretty quickly, then came the Minor Leaguers who were better with technique, more bravado and belly slapping and longer matches. Finally, in silken thongs that only a 6'2" 400 pound man can pull off, our heros paraded through the crowd into the ring. And these guys were really good. Longer matches with plenty of throat grabbing, torso twisting smackdowns. In one match, both wrestlers were holding each other with one leg out behind them, like figure skaters. Graceful, limber, agile elephant figure skaters.

One of my favorte parts came between the rookies and the minor leaguers, when 2 clowns came out and did some amazing slapstick sumo, for the kiddies. One fat guy and one sort of normal sized guy (normal being football quarterback, not linebacker) who pulled hair, slapped like girls, fell into the laps of the judges, tripped the referee, and finally went out into the audience and grabbed beers from poor elderly Japanese spectators. But when a 6'2" 400 pound bear wants your beer, you sacrifice the beer and don't ask questions.

Not all of the wrestlers were Japanese; some are Mongolian and several are Eastern European. The Eastern European dudes are Sex Symbols- hairy chests, more muscle less fat, pale skin- just add gold chains and dark sunglasses. I don't know how they end up doing sumo in Japan: one guy was a bouncer at an Estonian nightclub, another was some farmer in Russia. I assume the guys in their little towns got sick of them winning bar fights and sent them out of the country. And of course they have trading cards with photos and stats! What's a sport without cards?

Plus I got to watch an on deck wrestler get his thong wedged in by another wrestler behind him. Sometimes all you can think when they are grappling in the ring is "Oh, god, please don't let that shift."

The saddest part was the end, as they awarded the winner his prize ceremonial bow and arrows. He starts to do his touchdown bow and arrow dance in the ring, he's beaten the big dog and wants to prance around in the glow of victory, but all 300 spectators stand up and rush the doors. He's up there swinging his bow around and looking like a badass and no one notices because they have to get out of this hot stuffy gym where they've been sitting for 5 hours. That's Japan: intensely polite and unspeakably rude all in the same breath.

taiko

2006-08-03T19:48:00.000-07:00

The main reason we're here in Japan is taiko. The leader of the group I play with was in contact with some groups here and was trying to arrange some concerts. We were possibly going to play a festival in Osaka, but this eventually fell through, although not after plans and itineraries were set in motion. We did have a guaranteed gig at a theme park, which we played the hell out of, and even managed to rouse the heat-addled audience that was taiko'd out by the five youth groups that had played prior to us. The odd thing was to watch the other non-taiko people ignore what was going on as they got off a ride and had to exit past the youth groups. Some didn't even glace left to identify the source of the loud pounding sound. It may be that youth taiko is so much a part of the culture that it isn't really worth attention by people other than the parents. This was certainly apparent as the youth groups played and you could see the audience shift as each group finished and a new group started. New parents on deck, ready to video.

Despite the lack of attention the youngsters receive, this does lead to some fantastic things. Like soccer in Brazil or chess in Russia, the huge group of youth participating will produce some exceptional standouts. We got to witness this in Tokyo in a Roppongi nightclub that could only seat 100 people with standing room for maybe another 100. Ondekoza, one of the top professional companies did a short performance that blew me away. Ondekoza takes people into the company when they are teenagers; "take in" means they move in with the group and live the life of a taiko monk. Waking early to run, practicing, eating breakfast, more practice, lunch, practice, practice, perform, repeat. Being able to watch performers so committed is a treat. Being able to do it in an intimate setting even better. And when they are brilliant it brings tears to my eyes.

Step Right Up

2006-08-03T19:06:00.000-07:00

Japan seems full of theme parks, a title which covers a wide range of places. Some of these are like American theme parks, vast outdoor spaces with rides and rollercoasters and game booths and souvenier shops. Some others of these are just stores with lots and lots of things to buy, like Fashion Theme Park or Toyota Theme Park. Maybe because space is so limited here, they get a real estate tax break if they call their store a Theme Park. Who wouldn't want to go to a Fun Computer Theme Park? Super Excellent Car Wash Theme Park?
We got to experience one of the more American Theme Parks down in Ise Shima, a place called Parque De Espania! It promises to make you feel like you're in Spain, and with the hills and the bay outside the park and the 95 degree heat and crazy humidity, I did feel like I was in Spain. A creepy Japanese version of Spain. The characters that walk around in this 95 degree sauna are much like Universal Studios characters: a tall skinny dog as Don Quixote, a silly chubby rabbit as Sancho Panza, a cute white kitten as Esmerelda (?). And Parades and Roller Coasters and Snow Cones and a full stage show- this was amazing. The show was all in Japanese, and the plot somehow involved a wood fairy whose wood fairy queen was being held prisoner by some evil robot demon with scary robot minions. And only Don Quixote and his wily crew of pals could save them, in a dramatic 15 minute long dance fight. Did I mention it was 95 degrees here, and the poor actors in their full animal costumes had to do the show 3 times a day!
They also had one of the best roller coasters I've ridden, a big twisty fast loopy thing that surprised the hell out of me all 3 times I went on it. There better be a roller coaster like this in the real Spain, or I'm writing to the consulate.
Also amazing: everything in Japanese and Spanish. I am such an ignorant American. I sometimes find myself forgetting the Japanese word for What? and actually saying Que? because I only speak Spanglish and Crapanese. Stay tuned for my Moronomanian once we get to Europe.

two wheels good

2006-08-03T18:43:00.000-07:00

Anne and I rented bicycles for a day of sightseeing in Kyoto. I'm a huge fan of two-wheeled things, doing most of my commuting by motorcycle. Riding a bike in a city in Japan is great. I suspect it's a good time out in the country and the mountains too, but I have yet to find out.

EVERYONE here rides. Men in business suits going to the subway, 80-year old women going to the market, kids riding to school. This, combined with the trains and subways is a transportation system that works. Outside of any train station or apartment building is an area for parking bicycles, mopeds and motorcycles. At large stations, there may be thousands of bikes parked neatly in an area less than a half-block in size. It seems like most people can bike or walk to the train station, and from there get to wherever they need to go. Oh yes, and the trains always run on time. Always.

Since everyone rides, you feel much safer interacting with cars. I don't know how many of you have been on a bicycle on the streets of LA recently, but the general gist is that you are intruding on the cars' territory, so you'd better watch out. Just assume drivers either don't see you or are actively trying to run you off the road and you have the right attitude. In Japan, drivers see and give you the right of way. Since many people ride on the sidewalks, pedestrians move to their left (they drive on the left here) when they hear the little ding ding of your bell. Very fun, very easy.

Working to chill

2006-07-30T06:38:00.000-07:00

Some of you may not know that I'm addicted to massages. So in our hotel in Japan I splurged and got an in-room massage, hopefully the kind that would not be sketchy. The time comes and I open it to see this tiny old woman holding a long white cane. What the Hell is she going to do with that cane? Then she feels her way gingerly along the wall and I realize that she's blind. Wow, I'm a moron. Apparently, blind people often go into massage in Asia.
The only problem with her blindness is that she speaks Japanese. I speak Crapanese. To compensate for my feeble language skills, I have been relying on phrasebooks and saying "hai" (yes) and "sumimasen" (excuse me, sorry) a lot. I have also developed a whole dictionary of points and gestures, from the definitive point to a menu meaning "I want this for lunch" to a pathetic point to a map meaning "I'm lost and stupid, where is this?" So being with this blind massage therapist, my limited vocabulary is reduced by 80%. Which makes it really hard to ask "clothes on or off?" and "do I lie face up or face down?" From her gestures and her firm hands on my shoulders, I gather that I should leave my clothes on and lie on my side on top of the futon. Her fingers dig into my shoulder shiatsu style and she starts chatting with me. I assume she can tell by my voice that I am a clueless American, but she keeps on chatting, quickly, and I don't want to be rude to this complete stranger who is doing me a service, even tough I hate it when massage therapists talk to me.
So now I'm confused and a little annoyed that she doesn't seem to just give up conversing, her questions keep coming like Tetris blocks where the keys are changed so I can't rotate the blocks in time. And I can't even shake my head and give her a confused facial expression, and this is in no way relaxing, what a bad idea. Then I see it, my salvation just on the other side of my pillow- oh, tiny phrasebook! You'll save me with your intricate knowledge of Japanese and your convenient English translations and your adorable pronunciation guide. You even have a section of phrases specifically for massage and accupuncture! You're my hero!
And that is how I ended up on top of my bed in a Japanese resort on my side with my clothes on frantically thumbing through my Japanese phrasebook to answer questions asked by my blind massage therapist.
It was one of the oddest experiences I have ever had.

TV Producers wanted

2006-07-28T20:23:00.000-07:00

You must have an extensive knowledge of Japanese culture and be willing to mercilessly make fun of white people.
I'm pitching a new reality TV show for a Japanese network, called "Laughing at Stupid Hakujin Foreigners!"
Here are some future episodes:
1. Subway. A large and diverse group of Americans get to Tokyo station. They try to find a train to take them out of Tokyo to the peaceful, more "Japanese" part of Japan, since the city is not what Westerners think of when they want to see a foerign country. They want quaint. So they try to find quaint railroad lines. They go up one escalator, down another, finally ask a person in a uniform who shrugs, then a passing janitor who happnes to speak English leads them back the way they came, laughing that they've gone so far out of the way. So they follow the janitor all the way to the ticket kiosk, where they have to fumble through yen at the machine that doesn't have any English! And of course they all get on the women only car, stupid Hakujin (white person, or an American). Then they are leaving the next subway station and someone runs after them, and beckons them back the other way, where instead of the right bus terminal is a bank of very expensive taxis, which he seems to think they should take. For $30 a person. Ha!

2. The Hotel: The group goes to a tradtional Japanese inn, where they toss their shoes all over the place, or worse wear shoes on the mat inside the room, make tea and eat the proffered cookies well before the maid is able to make tea for them, and they don't even use the suacers! Jesus, the saucers are right there on the table under the huge stack of cups, you freaking barbarians! They also scare the crap out of the room maid by hiding behind the screen when she comes in to make the futon for sleeping.

3. At Dinner. The group gets a huge dinner eaten on the floor, where they are all too afriad to ask whats in all of the thirty tiny bowls. The fish in some bowls is supposed to be eaten raw, but other fish is supposed to be cooked on the tiny hibachi in the corner- watch how they can't tell the difference! And best of all, see then pour soy sauce right on to their rice, like children. After ice cream that they all eat too quickly, they lay a huge dump of shame on their maids asking to get to go to the buffet for breakfast. The maids, embarassed that the Hakujin hate their clearly sub-par service, must kill themselves.

4. Onsen. The traditional hot hot hot baths, which are sex segregated. Which is hard to remember when the women's bath is hidden up a staircase and around a corner. Whoops.

5. Laundry. Some of our plucky but ignorant travelers go to a coin laundry and ruin it. After breaking one machine and overloading the next, having to call the owner over from across the island, they also buy three times too much soap and can't figure out how long to dry clothes. And they don't have a thank you gift for the owner who helps them- who doesn't carry around a few thank you gifts just in case? Morons. Including the taxi ride over there, they disperse the laundry back to the rest of the group- at $3 an item. $3 for one shirt! Silly.

6. Shrines. Don't get me started. I've shamed so many dead people by now that I should just try to make sure I go to hell.

Next Episode- going to a Japanese theme park!

8am overload

2006-07-28T08:33:00.000-07:00

We're currently staying at this very deluxe resort inn in Kashikojima, Mie prefecture. Look at a map of Honshu, then find the part jutting out east that is south of Tokyo. Bingo.

Breakfast and dinner are included here, along with multiple baths everyday, from 5am to midnight. Bathing is a very serious pastime and I am delighted to spend an hour or more a day sitting in hot water, more on that later when we stay at an onsen on Hokkaido, but now back to breakfast.

For the last few years, working in advertising, I've had roughly the same breakfast 5 days a week. Clif bar, usually chocolate almond, eaten around 10am, and some kind of fruit, a banana or maybe an applesauce cup, around 11. So no great variety for me, and not too early either.

Knowing my usual breakfast comes out of a foil wrapper and takes all of a minute to prepare and eat, look at the photo below for my 8am meal. Since I've shaken off the jet lag, 8am is now early to me, also, I'm not really hungry when I get up. But I get served this, which, if you look closely, includes a personal mini-hibachi (in the upper left) that is actually grilling some fish. There are 3 types of seaweed, 2 types of tofu, soybean paste, myriad pickled vegetables, rice and this is only the beginning. There are two servers in kimonos who continue to bring out the courses as I try to make sense of why I want to try and eat all of this. Try I do, since I've vowed to try everything they put in front of me, including the tail end of some type of snail thing that looks scary and black. It's awful. Then I'm informed that I should only eat the top part, the bottom is the supersized equivalent of eating that vein in the back of the prawn - full of crap. MMmmmmmm.

2006-07-28T08:31:00.000-07:00

very helpful people

2006-07-25T07:22:00.000-07:00

Tonight we went to the third largest festival in Japan. Imagine you're at a huge keg party in the middle of Times Square on New Year's eve. And you can't understand anything other than excuse me and thank you. It was a lot like that. We did get to see more drunk people carrying shrines, the Sapporo barge cheerleaders, and a quarter of a million people? I do not think this is an exaggeration. We also ate octopus balls- different from buffalo oysters, but still kind of gross.
We also chatted with two very kind English speakers.
One saw us looking at a map at the end of the night; he was a businessman who was eager to practice his English since he was going to America the next morning. LA, Kentucky, and Indiana. I guess when you travel for business you can't be too picky. He walked us all the way . . . to the wrong station. But it was very very very kind of him to try to help us.
The other kind English speaking man was standing with his son or grandson (it can be very hard to tell ages here)with us on this island watching the fireworks. We talked about where we were from and what we were doing in Japan. And then this happened:
Anne: Your English is very good.
Man: You mean my Janglish.
What Anne wanted to say so badly but didn't: Better than my Crapanese.
What Anne said: Better than my Japanese.

And now I'm so glad I have someone to tell that joke to. I still think it's funny.
We are both trying to learn Japanese, but it's not easy. People talk fast here. And don't get me started on Kanji. Pictographs? Seriously?
On the plus side, people here are very helpful.

robots and temples

2006-07-23T15:55:00.000-07:00

We've spent the past few days travelling with Taiko Center LA in Osaka, which is sort of central and south, for those of you silly geographically-challenged Americans. Group travel is like Army life (or what I imagine army life must be from watching Forrest Gump):　hurry up and wait. But we have actually gotten out of the subway stations to do some stuff:
A real neighborhood festival in Taiko Town, where Brian tried to prove his manliness carrying this shrine with 50 other drunk japanese guys.
A temple up in the mountains that is it's own city, where the closely packed graves are covered with tiny offerings like fake flowers and chex mix.
A castle with the most impressive moat I have ever seen, where this renegade feudal lord ruled with the standard iron fist. You would have to be an amazing ninja to scale this moat.
We also went to Electric town, where you can buy hi-tech rice cookers, phones, mp3 players, vibrators, televisio- what? vibrators, just lying on the racks next to spare batteries and lightbulbs. And let me tell you, there were not very many left on the shelves- those things must sell like hot cakes. Actually, electric is clearly aimed at a certain demographic: those who frequent hi-tech electronics and porn stores.
I feel compelled to discribe with reverential awe the stunning efficiency and reliability of the subway system here. Of all the public transportation, in fact. That train says it's going to be at 11:06, and it does not mess around. Apparently people have to get a signed note from the station master if something does go wrong so they can convince their employer that for once the train really did fail. Because it just never happens. Ever. It's miraculous.

to Japan

2006-07-21T14:43:00.000-07:00

There was a flurry of activity in the final days before leaving as we tried to accomplish everything on our to do list. We managed to complete all the important items -- moving out, packing, booking our flight to Europe; some other things will have to wait until we return. It was stressful, both of us sleeping just a few hours Monday night and not at all on Tuesday. Complete relief was had by finally making it to the airport and checking in with a little time to spare before our flight.

We flew on JAL, which was a nice introduction to what was in store for us here: people speaking mostly Japanese, a little English mixed in, and eel for lunch. Very tasty. We're getting an easy introduction to the country, since we're with a group for the next two weeks that includes some Japanese speakers.

The outline of our plan is this. In Japan for two weeks with my taiko group. We'll be sightseeing and playing a little bit, attending a few of the many festivals held everywhere during the summer throughout Japan. Then we're on our own for the next two weeks, first visiting friends up north on Hokkaido in Asahikawa， then south to the island of Shodoshima. We have JapanRail passes (think eurorail) that will get us practically anywhere in the country where the trains run on time ALWAYS. On 16 Aug we fly back to LAX, visit our storage locker (it's very cozy and air-conditioned, if they let me, I'd consider living there, they have running water and hispeed internet access, neither of shich we'll have when visiting Evan in Moldova) to dump what we no longer need and fly to London on 17 Aug. We spend the day at Gatwick, flying to Prague to meet Evan and hang out for a week. Another week of free time during which we'll travel to Moldova where we'll stay while Evan begins his work teaching English to the schoolkids. We get to help, or at least be a show-and to help, or at least be a show-and-tell item for the teacher. Then off to Croatia by 12 Sept, where Anne and I will relax on 12 Sept, where Anne and I will relax on Brac, a small island somewhere in the Adriatic, I think. We still need to figure out the next bit, but it likely involves boats, buses, trains and airplanes. getting to London by 22 Sept and flying back to LAX on 26 Sept, ready to look for an apartment. Whew.

2006-07-11T02:01:00.000-07:00

Getting started

2006-07-11T01:41:00.000-07:00

The countdown is on for our trip. Eight days left before we leave the country for a couple of months. And to make this more fun, we've decided to quit any jobs and pack our apartment into a small storage unit to really feel the cleaness of the dislocation.

I have a to-do list that I've estimated will take about 70 hours to complete. Some simple things like "cancel utilities" that I can knock off quickly and feel good about, and the slightly harder "pack and clean apartment" which will take most of the time available. The next few days will be filled with activity as I try to figure out if we can buy the moldovan visas at the border or will need to get them in advance (you can get them at the airport in Chisinau, but we aren't planning on flying in). At least the Japan portion of the trip is entirely planned and paid for at this point. In fact, Japan seemed too easy, since a travel agent arranged two weeks and the other two will be spent visiting people we know, eveything worked out easily. We'll see how the Europe part works out in the coming week.